Is My Relationship with Food “Disordered”?

In 2024, a year when there is a multi-billion dollar industry hoping that we will not feel at peace with food or our bodies so it can sell us solutions to the problems it created in the first place (don’t even get me started…), identifying what is “disordered” and what isn’t is TRICKY. 

When contemplating this question, I think it makes sense to start by talking about what a peaceful relationship with food looks like. My definition of peaceful eating isn’t universal or one-size-fits-all, but hopefully it acts as food for thought.

Signs of a peaceful relationship with food

• A peaceful relationship with food means that what and how much you’re eating today is based off what you feel like today, not compensation for past or present 

• A peaceful relationship with food means eating a wide variety of food, with no foods off limits

• A peaceful relationship with food means considering the nutritional aspect of food through the lens of what will make you feel good, not through rules or rigidity 

• A peaceful relationship with food means that sometimes we eat past comfortable fullness and it’s not a source of stress

• A peaceful relationship with food means that we may have a difficult thought about our body and that doesn’t translate into deprivation

• A peaceful relationship with food means that we sometimes eat because of boredom or emotions or the social context - not necessarily physical hunger - and that’s ok
  

If you’re not relating to all (or any) of these, I cannot say it enough: I see you and there is nothing wrong with you. 

Diet culture urges us and teaches HOW to restrict, and then makes us feel crazy when we experience the repercussions of that restriction.

Paths to disordered eating 

Maybe it all started with just wanting to “cut back a bit” on food when your pants started fitting differently. And now food has become something that you spend hours thinking about, planning out, actively trying to resist, bingeing on, compensating for, or feeling guilty about. Some combination of these states is the soundtrack to your life, for hours of the day. 

Or maybe it was that time you started calorie counting casually, and now you can’t seem to stop. And you swear there was a time in your life that it wasn’t such a big deal to eat an extra banana, but now here you are, ruminating over a banana. 

Or maybe you started learning about nutrition and it was so interesting. But now there’s this little voice in your head, wondering if the anxiety you feel about the skittles you just ate is truly healthy.

One more: maybe you’re wondering how the nutrition recommendations from that influencer that promised confidence and better self-esteem has in fact delivered nothing but shame, secret binges and increased body dissatisfaction.

I could write about 700 of these little vignettes, all with their own unique path toward now, where it feels like you’re caught in a trap. You don’t like how your relationship with food feels anymore, but the thought of things being different might feel even scarier.

And that’s what’s really tricky about disordered eating and eating disorders: it feels absolutely horrible to be in the thick of. Truly horrifically horrible. AND, they offer tremendous comfort and coping in the face of big emotions.
See my post: I thank your eating disorder for its service

Add to this that many people are praised along the way for their developing disordered behaviours (“wow you look great!” “I really admire your discipline” “how do you eat so hEaLthy all the time!?”) and we’ve got a really great recipe for being in a situation where it feels like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. 

If you’re sitting there feeling like some of this lands, but still not sure about any of this, I’ll leave you with a few questions.

Relationship with food reflection questions

1. Would you wish your relationship with food on someone you care about deeply?
   Sometimes we have a different perspective of our own situation when we imagine another person experiencing it. If you would not wish your current reality with food on a loved one, you deserve to feel better.
   

2. Does part of you feel nervous about the thought of opening up to someone about your relationship with food?
   This is very very very common - you are not alone. AND it tells me there may be some shame at play when it comes to you and food. Shame in and of itself benefits from receiving empathy and support.
   

3. Close your eyes and try to imagine a life where all of the time and energy you currently spend on food and body is freed up to dream and play and learn. 
   What comes up for you? If the image that just came to mind feels pretty foreign and different from your current reality, I would argue that you deserve support…
   
   

   Not because there is something wrong with you.
   Because existing in diet culture is hard, but doing it alone is even harder.

Looking for dietitian support? I offer virtual nutrition counselling to adults in Ottawa and the rest of Ontario.
Learn more about my services.

This blog post is not a substitute for personal eating disorder care and is intended for educational purposes only.